i hate brunch. eggs make me nauseous, mimosas tend to fortify the egg-effect, i also get no dinner rolls (?!?!) – fuck off.
“girl, show panties or get to the fucking point”
okay! fucking relax.
right, today i had the best conversation about habits, passions, hobbies, and wasting time. i swear, every brunch i get dragged to results in the best chat ever. it’s probably because i feel this constant urge to keep my mouth busy at all times. ten years ago it was cigarettes, then i moved to california so i had to move onto perfectly crisp on the outside pink on the inside salmon. dick is there whenever i get a fucking chance. flossing teeth, blowing gum, you name it – i’m on it. at the brunch however i’m deprived of any of those pleasures, so i have to rely on a the fine art of oration and hope for the best. it’s that or eggs benedict magically trigger my cerebrum and whatever brain cells of the people i’m with.
“dude, get to the point”
keep bitching and you’re on your jolly fucking way to the pussy-ban-list. yeah i have one. also, how about a quick jog to the kitchen cause mami wants cheese and wine. run!
where was i… right, brunch. the mimosa pitcher arrived right in the middle of my and my neighbor’s attempt to summarize and categorize all the pointless but joyful actions we perform on the regular basis. i chose to arrange mine into something that resembles a totem pole. i have sorting lingerie right at the bottom. then goes browsing amazon and tinder with the equal amount of instant gratification. webcams are chilling somewhere between trying out various douchy diets and finding new meme instagram accounts. i also spend a lot of time dreaming about becoming a piercer but i don’t think it counts as a passion. the list is long, miscellaneous, and results in cutting my beauty sleep down to 3 hours a day or less. niet! (#learnrussian) it’s about time i take a moment and do some time management.
activities slated for potential termination:
i. spending hours looking up weird pictures of chris hemsworth with the sole purpose of having them on my phone just in case i need to make a witty meme stat
ii. chatting to random people on the internet who i know i’d never be able to establish any kind of human relationship with just to see what they have to say
iii. crafting various kinds of shit out of duct tape and whatever i have at my arm’s length
iv. throwing glitter and confetti up in the air when i have parties at my place. it looks cool for somewhere between 3 and 10 seconds and takes 435 hours to get rid of (even with my amazing dyson vacuum cleaner). this crap also gets all over the fucking place, it’s everywhere. including my panties and mouth.
v. at happy hours, lying to myself and others that i’m on a detox diet, having 4 drinks shortly after because it’s a good deal, and ending up with both hands occupied by 11pm, typically with dicks, boobs, or/and burritos.
that’s it for now. anyone who wants to join “daphie’s time saving campaign” come for a chat on livejasmin.
also, follow my instagram @daphahk and tell me off if i make more chris hemsworth memes! i will love you long time.