let’s talk passions. specifically useless ones.

  • Posted on 14th June 2016,
  • written by

cards

   i hate brunch. eggs make me nauseous, mimosas tend to fortify the egg-effect, i also get no dinner rolls (?!?!) –  fuck off.

“girl, show panties or get to the fucking point”

okay! fucking relax.

right, today i had the best conversation about habits, passions, hobbies, and wasting time. i swear, every brunch i get dragged to results in the best chat ever. it’s probably because i feel this constant urge to keep my mouth busy at all times. ten years ago it was cigarettes, then i moved to california so i had to move onto perfectly crisp on the outside pink on the inside salmon. dick is there whenever i get a fucking chance. flossing teeth, blowing gum, you name it – i’m on it. at the brunch however i’m deprived of any of those pleasures, so i have to rely on a the fine art of oration and hope for the best. it’s that or eggs benedict magically trigger my cerebrum and whatever brain cells of the people i’m with.

“dude, get to the point”

keep bitching and you’re on your jolly fucking way to the pussy-ban-list. yeah i have one. also, how about a quick jog to the kitchen cause mami wants cheese and wine. run!

where was i… right, brunch. the mimosa pitcher arrived right in the middle of my and my neighbor’s attempt to summarize and categorize all the pointless but joyful actions we perform on the regular basis. i chose to arrange mine into something that resembles a totem pole. i have sorting lingerie right at the bottom. then goes browsing amazon and tinder with the equal amount of instant gratification. webcams are chilling somewhere between trying out various douchy diets and finding new meme instagram accounts. i also spend a lot of time dreaming about becoming a piercer but i don’t think it counts as a passion. the list is long, miscellaneous, and results in cutting my beauty sleep down to 3 hours a day or less. niet! (#learnrussian) it’s about time i take a moment and do some time management.

activities slated for potential termination:

i. spending hours looking up weird pictures of chris hemsworth with the sole purpose of having them on my phone just in case i need to make a witty meme stat

ii. chatting to random people on the internet who i know i’d never be able to establish any kind of human relationship with just to see what they have to say

iii. crafting various kinds of shit out of duct tape and whatever i have at my arm’s length

iv. throwing glitter and confetti up in the air when i have parties at my place. it looks cool for somewhere between 3 and 10 seconds and takes 435 hours to get rid of (even with my amazing dyson vacuum cleaner). this crap also gets all over the fucking place, it’s everywhere. including my panties and mouth.

v. at happy hours, lying to myself and others that i’m on a detox diet, having 4 drinks shortly after because it’s a good deal, and ending up with both hands occupied by 11pm, typically with dicks, boobs, or/and burritos.

that’s it for now. anyone who wants to join “daphie’s time saving campaign” come for a chat on livejasmin.

also, follow my instagram @daphahk and tell me off if i make more chris hemsworth memes! i will love you long time.

love,
-daphie…

blind date

  • Posted on 17th February 2014,
  • written by

me and my cat my mid-twenties are one nice perpetual hangover. last wednesday i packed my gear and got on my merry way to mammoth to do some skiing, get a little fatter on local pizzas, and just do something that’s not work. being a creature of habit, of course i stopped for a couple nights in los angeles to indulge my fine ass with good drinks and vietnamese food. and that is where i got trapped and set up on my first blind date by a good friend of mine. my friend is a tall handsome gay guy who is allergic to polyester like i am. anyway, back to the date. 1 pm, four seasons, vp of whatever. great, i’m thinking. lunch date, he is going to think i’m an alcoholic for having my red blend before 6. and if he doesn’t, i’ll have two more and will be hungover by 5. not really expecting much from the whole thing. we meet at the lobby and by the time i was ordering my alcohol he already knew that i watched twilight zone by myself on valentine’s day and got coal for christmas. by the time the waiter brought out our burgers, he made me guess how many bones there are in an adult human body (206-208) compared to the body of an infant (300-350. wow!). by the time we were done with the food i was ready for the second glass and had two takeaways: i want more blind dates and more burgers. as we were saying goodbye he snapped a pic of me and asked where to send it to. i guess it’s the way executives ask for your email. i didn’t mind. i received the image while walking to my hotel room and now i’m sharing it with you. hope you are having a good weekend, bunnies. who wants to be my next blind date?…

a little video

  • Posted on 9th February 2014,
  • written by

a little video of the aforementioned lingerie shopping trip…

lingerie shopping

  • Posted on 9th February 2014,
  • written by

first, i uploaded a bunch of new pics from my trip to vegas in the gallery. check them out.

ok now on to our story… i’m completely addicted to lingerie shopping. i found myself wandering around las vegas with my girlfriend and ran into the kiki de montparnasse store. talk about love at first sight. i swear i tried off half the store…and they kept pouring champagne…before i knew it my girlfriend had snapped hundreds of photos of me in the changing room before we got too drunk and started doing other things. oops! anyway,  i thought i’d share a few with you so you can play along. how cool is that?

some of them are blurry – but honestly who really gives a fuck?

dancing devastation checking ass blurry strappy 

vulcans never bluff

  • Posted on 2nd February 2014,
  • written by

so yeah, that whole “mid-january” thing didn’t really work out. too much travel, too little time. now i’m off to vegas and then skiing (finally). soooo let’s call it a typo and say i’ll be back online more often midish-februaryish instead. can’t blame a girl for having too much fun.

in the mean time i’ve uploaded a bunch of photos of ‘every day life’.

earringsshort skirtcow lovesunflowerstropezcow

worst blogger ever

  • Posted on 18th December 2013,
  • written by

ok. so it started with my birthday. i went on a little vacation and went shopping and did a million things – and before i knew it, i forgot to update my blog.

then thanksgiving came and in anticipation for my favorite holiday of the year i ate 30 turkeys and completely forgot about the internets and their pipes.

and now christmas is coming and i still haven’t blogged. ARGHHHHH bloggggggggg. blog is totally a four letter word. so first and foremost, i’m here. i’m still getting your emails through the site and your presents (thank you to everyone who sent something!)

now i’m off to new york city then skiing – but i promise i’ll be back mid-january so keep clicking refresh and i’ll tell you when i’m back.

as always, you can give me a little christmas lovin’ on my about page and the person who gives me the best present gets to be my boyfriend for a day. whoa!

i’ll leave you with a christmas joke…why was Santa’s little helper depressed? because he had low elf esteem. happy holidays my little puppies and friends!…

all tied up

  • Posted on 29th October 2013,
  • written by

you know it’s a good birthday when you do a bondage photoshoot to celebrate. wearing my sexy agent provocateur handcuffs and the matching gold collar… not to mention their whitney suspender lingerie. fuck i felt hot. now if only there was a boy around who would take advantage of me. can’t wait to post these on livejasmin. maybe you’d like to tie me up and teach me a thing or two?

daphnepie tied up

scooby dooooo

  • Posted on 7th October 2013,
  • written by

so guys love to ask me if i’m named after daphne from scooby-doo. are you kidding me?  no, my mom didn’t name me after a cartoon redhead chick that solves crimes by getting high off of dog snacks. but i have to admit… her style is kind of kickass and i’d kill for her short skirts.

this is one of my favorite episodes with her – look how gold coins hypnotize me!

what would you do with a sexy hypnotized girl wearing a short mini skirt? hmmmmm.…

brazil butt lift

  • Posted on 6th October 2013,
  • written by

so everyone (mostly guys, strangely) has been telling me how great this video is – you all should check it out. it’s the brazil butt lift. i just got it in the mail so look out world, my ass is about to be brazilianized suckers! i can’t understand a word the brazilian workout dude is shouting at me but it’s still hot. i should make a video. hmmm. anyway, it was pretty funny – they want me to send in a before and after picture of my ass so they can put it on their website as a testimonial… nice try, pervs. ok that’s it for now – gotta get my beauty sleep for tomorrow.…

first post

  • Posted on 3rd October 2013,
  • written by

yeah yeah yeah it’s my blog.

i can’t promise everything i post here is going to challenge you intellectually – but it’s all going to be pretty awesome.

but first i’m going to have some wine – this was enough for today.…